Then it drags me, and I follow

It delivers, and I let it

Then it haunts me, and I darken

Spiral down, covered in shame

Filthy!  Dirty!  Is repetitive sin

Repent- turn away, yet it comes back for more

        This is the chorus of a song I wrote about my past pornography addiction.  But it can be identified with any addiction or anything that consumes you.  As I have shared in previous blogs, I tend to be consumed by things.  Let's take online shopping for a current example. (sigh.)  So I am Facebook and see an ad for something that entices my desire.  So I click on it (drags me and I follow).  It's on sale- of course (it delivers) so I put it in my online cart and buy it (and I let it).  I use my debit card- or if it's you, maybe a credit card- and complete the purchase.  After I click the mouse to complete the order, a heaviness weighs down and in my heart- not my mind- I realize I spent money on something that was foolish. (then it haunts me and I darken).  I try to call the 1-800 number to cancel the order, but the lady says I can't cancel the order, but will have to return the item without free return shipping.  I get mad. (spiral down) Except it's not her problem, it's mine (covered in shame).  The bad thing is, this just happened last month.  (Filthy, dirty is repetive sin) I ask Jesus for forgiveness for not stewarding my money wisely (repent), and I delete that online store from my online bookmarks (turn away) but the following month, I see  another sale....(yet it comes back for more).  

        Now I know I stretched it a bit, but in reality this may be true for some.  Like me.  I don't consider the action of buying online repeatedly, filthy or dirty like I would view looking at porn- but if we continue in sin, and intentionally repeat our sin after we have asked Jesus for forgiveness, it is filthy, just like a "dog returns to its own vomit."   

    Your repetitive sin may seem not as bad, or a lot worse.  I'm sure many of you don't see severity of online shopping in your life, like I do mine.  Everyone's got their stuff.  And if you think you don't, you're only kidding yourself. 

    Verse 19 says, "...For whatever overcomes a person, to that he is enslaved."  I was enslaved to porn at one time because it overcame me.  There isn't a better word for it.  Whatever your addiction- it is enslaving you.  Whatever is consuming you- it is enslaving you.  Don't be like a dog that returns to its vomit- get rid of the addiction.  Get rid of that which consumes you.  Yes, quitting online shopping is extreme, but I am getting rid of that which consumes me.  What do you need to get rid of?

On 2 Peter Chapter 2

• Leanne