A Brewing Attraction

        Mmmmmm.  Coffee.  Many of us are coffee drinkers, aren't we?  You can be the simple drinker- stickin' with Folgers, Maxwell House, off brands... then there's the coffee connoisseur- only drinking the finer cups of coffee, involved in coffee clubs and owning a delicate glass french press.  Me?  I'm kinda in the middle.  I enjoy a good cuppa joe but I won't buy the expensive stuff for everyday drinking, only because I don't have $40 to spend on coffee every month...maybe one day.  For my daytime intake, I prefer Folgers.  But in the evening, or if I am just wanting a really good cup of coffee, I drink this splendid 100% Arabic decaf coffee.  It's wonderful!  I love the aroma in the room when it's brewing.  The taste down to the last sip, is so good.  The coffee leaves a wonderful after taste in my mouth, and it's perfect strong- with just a bit of half and half.  I found this fair-trade organic swiss water decaf coffee at...WALMART!!  Online, that is. It's not in any store around here.  For 12oz I pay just $5.75!  I combine a few with other household items in my online cart, and as long as I reach $45, (which is easy to do when I include toothpaste, catlitter, catfood, toilet paper, etc.) I get free shipping, and honestly, it comes to my door in 3 days or less.  Simple, and perfect.  Except one thing.  Walmart ships via Fedex, and the guy who delivers my package from Walmart is attractive.

        Notice, I didn't use the word handsome, cute, funny, good-looking.  I used the word attractive, because I am attracted to him.  He had been delivering my packages for months.  About ten months ago while I was still pregnant with Mischa, I realized I was attracted to him.   I knew right away that I should tell Joey, so I did.  He kind of laughed it off, as it didn't seem that big of a deal- which it wasn't.  It wasn't until about 2 months ago I realized it was maybe a bit more than I had first thought.  It started when he brought a heavy box into the breezeway for me since I was extremely pregnant and wouldn't lift the 40 lb package.  Then it became short, simple greetings... but with that smile...that darn smile!  Ladies, you know the smile I'm talking about.  Oh, and don't forget the eyes- not sure what they do specifically, but I do know they lure a woman's heart.  Haha, as I'm typing the Fedex van drove by!  (Notice I said drove BY, not TO my house!!) 

        Anyway, some of you would say: "Why is it a problem that an attractive guy delivers Walmart packages to your door? You're not inviting him in to cuddle on the couch!"  Well, my answer is this: I want to protect my marriage at all costs.  Some of you may laugh.  If you've been in this situation before- where you know your heart is dancin' for a man other than your husband- you would understand my decision to not order online from Walmart.  No more Club Coffee World Collection Swiss Water 100% Arabic Decaf Ground Coffee. (insert sad face) 

        Obviously, my marriage is more important to me than the best decaf coffee...so the coffee had to go.  Some of you still don't get it.

Let me explain the last time I saw Mr. Fedex Guy, to start my reasoning with you.

        About two weeks ago, my decaf coffee was on it's way here- and thanks to tracking numbers, I knew it was coming that day.  I had been out of my favorite coffee AND my Folgers for a few days now, and both were coming.  As ridiculous as it is, I peeked down the highway every now and then to see if I could see the Fedex van coming.  But there was something brewing inside of me that I wasn't liking.  It wasn't excitement for the coffee to arrive but the anticipation for the brief, giddy conversation I would have with my delivery boy.  I kept trying to shrug it off- I even prayed about it.  That day, I was aware of how I looked.  I made sure I wasn't looking nice for him, but rather, my face was without makeup (yikes!), my unwashed hair was in a ponytail,  and I wore housework clothes- sweats and a t-shirt.  I had been baking that morning to prepare muffins for small group,  and just after I pulled them out of the oven, I walked past my door and saw "Fedex boy" heading into my garage (where he drops off).  He saw me.  So of course, I had to go say hi... right?  I opened the door and he took a step in, to hand me the package.  Then he said, "Mmmmmmm.... it smells good in here."  "Oh, I was just baking muffins.  Would you like one? They just came out of the oven," I said, casually.  He responded with, "I'd love a muffin." Okay, not a big deal.  Except then I skipped up the one step into my kitchen, to grab him a fresh, hot muffin.  My face was probably flushed with awkwardness, my words not smooth at all.  I gave him the muffin, without butter (what muffin is good without a stick of butter???) (jk) and said, "Enjoy, have a good day!"  He left, but I noticed he would be back the next day, because Walmart split my order up and the baby wipes didn't come.  I felt like a teenager. This wasn't supposed to happen to a happily-married mother of two- but it did. When I say, "This isn't supposed to happen..." that was my guilt talking, not God.  The evil one wants to destroy what God puts together. Ever feel like your marriage is on the rocks?  Ever see that girl or guy staring in your direction and it just gives you a giddy heart?  It doesn't happen by accident.  God gave us eyes and hormones, so I think it is okay to notice a good looking person.  But what do you do after you notice? For me, I knew that I hadn't made any mistakes yet, but I could have been on the road to making one.  I'm sure I would have stopped "our relationship" before anything serious happened, but why not stop it now, before the opportunity arrived and I'm faced with temptation?  Too many marriages end in divorce.  They say half of all marriages end in divorce, including "Christian" ones.  I don't want to be part of the divorce statistic, and I will do whatever it takes to protect, save, and strengthen my marriage.  For some of you, my radical decision may seem extreme, but so is divorce!  The decision I made was really pretty small- I'm not going to order from Walmart online again.  But, the effect that decision had on my marriage was crucial.  What if I had not said anything to Joey about my attraction?  What if the Fedex guy felt the same way about me and made a move at some point? What if I had ignored the feelings I had and dismissed them with the excuse that everyone has these moments? The consequence to any of these would have been disasterous.

How far are you willing to go to protect your marriage?  

• Leanne